sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
