Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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