dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
