dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
only if we run a train.
done.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
