Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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