Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
