I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
