Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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