I wanna bring you to show and tell
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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