Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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