I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
