I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
