Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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