well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
