brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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