hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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