dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
