i already hear my dad disowning me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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