best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
