dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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