What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
