Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
