i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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