I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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