I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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