Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
