UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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