Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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