It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
