oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
