Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I love you. Go after that dick
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
