Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
