i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
