So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
