Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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