I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
how does that bad decision feel?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
