Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
