It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
