Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
