But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
