At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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