How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
