so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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