omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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