i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
