I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
