Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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