you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
