Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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