i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
