I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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