I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
