I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
