I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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