Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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