remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
