i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
