does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
